STOPP
A gentle reminder to STOPP and practice your skills to improve your quality of life
One of the most useful skills in DBT is summed up in a simple acronym, STOPP. Simple and effective, this is a tool anyone can use in a wide variety of situations, but especially when triggered or feeling reactive. The steps are as follows:
STOP - Literally, stop. Slow down the clock. Even if things have already happened, it’s not too late to stop them and mitigate further damage, maybe even turn things around
TAKE a few deep breaths, and TAKE a step back - Metaphorically or literally. If you’re in danger, or actively exposed to a trigger, can you get away and get yourself safe? What can you do, what is within your control, to slow things down? Even if just for a moment, get some space from the issue. Take a few deep breaths, at least until you feel like you have control over your breathing, or until the emotional charge from the situation lessens a bit. Get back in your window of tolerance. Even 1 breath is good, 3-5 is better, and 10 can fix most things.
OBSERVE - Now that you’re calm enough to think clearly, think about what just happened? How was that able to get under your skin and bother you so much? What are the factors involved? Have you considered if you have unmet needs that might be making your less resilient? Are you Hungry, Angry, Lonely, or Tired (HALT)? Can you make sense of the situation. Can you engage your rational mind a bit, and try to engage the wise mind, the mind that can both think AND feel. Observe what you DO have control of in this situation. You always have control of something, the trick is to engage your curiosity and find it.
PLAN - Is there another way to come at the situation, a different way to manage yourself or your own emotions, or a way to avoid the situation altogether if there’s no solution to be had right now? Make a realistic plan based on the outcomes you would like to have happen, and the agency or influence you have in the circumstances. Operate from your strengths, and from what you control, trying to avoid what you cannot control. This can be as simple or as complex as you need and may be a short or long-term plan. You can use additional tools like journaling, Cognitive Reframing, the DEARMAN, Opposite to Emotion (O2E), SMART goals, etc… to help you plan effectively.
PRACTICE - Try to put that plan into motion. Run the experiment. It may not be perfect, that’s why it’s practice! Collect data as you go, and reform the plan to refine the practice in a continual loop of improvement. Things will get better if you try to make them better! This can be a pretty challenging step, but is almost certainly worth it. Most things worthy take effort to earn them.
STOPP is one of those skills that gets easier to use the more you use it. At first, it’s tricky to recognize the moment, (this can be improved more quickly by mindfulness practices) and we might catch it later than we would prefer. The important thing to remember is that it’s never too late to avoid further pain, and it’s always the right moment to practice making things better! As awareness grows, so too the effectiveness of this practice will increase. You will find that with practice, you can start this sooner, go through it faster, and ultimately find more relief more quickly. Partnered with the practice of Cognitive Reframing, we can even come to see each conflict as an opportunity to grow in our awareness, tolerance, capacity, and resilience. Eventually, we might even overcome most of the distress of these situations, and potentially even come to enjoy these moments as a chance to problem-solve and grow.
If this tool has been helpful for you, or you have any questions about how to use it, feel free to leave a comment below!
