How to Change
Change is in the air
Disclaimer, this article is a work in progress. Right now, it is in a very basic form, and I have lots more I want to weave in. It still needs rewriting and a lot more reference citations. Because I talk about these concepts so much in therapy, it felt important to get a working copy of this theory out there for reference. This is a compilation and a practice in integration and synthesis of knowledge that I’ve read and that has been shared with me by my teachers and mentors that I have been lucky enough to learn from. As always, I offer these as things that have resonated with me, not as the Gospel, the Truth, or the One Way. That said, feedback so far suggests these concepts have been useful for many, and they certainly have been for me. Please use your own judgment with these concepts, and only accept what resonates with you as true and useful. You are of course welcome to bring anything up with me that does not resonate. Best wishes, -Ryan
So, why do we do things that end up with consequences we don't want, especially self-destructive habits? This question has been explored by many psychologists and researchers. One way to understand this behavior is to recognize that everything we do is "adaptive," but that it is often mal-adaptive. In other words, our behavior is a response to our environment, but sometimes these responses are not helpful in the long run. Those behaviors have done their jobs, you are here reading this post, alive today, and in therapy. We can be grateful for the survival they have enabled, and, we can choose to move forward and develop strategies that feel more empowering.
Often, we feel powerless to change our situation, and resort to reactive and automatic behaviors. They were good enough to get us here, so they stand in our mind as reliable, though not always rational. By recognizing our personal power and building a bridge to the future we want, we can create change. Building a bridge to change is a process that takes time. As Donald Hebb famously said, "Neurons that fire together, wire together." This means that the more we repeat a behavior, the more ingrained it becomes in our brains. This is true of the old habits, and it takes lots of repetition to train the new ones.
“We first make our habits, and then our habits make us”
To create change, we must break old habits and consciously establish and reinforce new ones to replace the old. Positive and negative reinforcement, as studied by Ivan Pavlov, play a significant role in habit formation. Positive reinforcement involves rewarding a behavior to increase its frequency, while negative reinforcement involves removing a negative stimulus to increase the frequency of a behavior. Turns out that, empirically, positive reinforcement works much better than punishment. Punishment tends to teach avoidance and reinforce sneakiness. Connecting desired behavior to desired outcomes can actually motivate desired change. Dopamine hacking is another way to establish new habits. Dopamine is a neurotransmitter that is released in response to rewards, and it is a big part of our motivation system. By finding ways to activate the brain's reward system, we can make this training process pleasurable, and that helps to reinforce the new habits.I you want to learn more about that, I can suggest this video on dopamine hacking.
However, to establish lasting change, we often must also address negative thought patterns. Cognitive restructuring, as developed by Aaron Beck in Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy (CBT), can help us identify and change negative thought patterns. The cognitive triad is a model used in CBT that describes how negative thoughts about oneself, the world, and the future can lead to depression and anxiety. For example, someone who believes that they are worthless, that the world is a dangerous place, and that they have no future may engage in self-destructive behaviors as a result.
In addition to cognitive restructuring, we can use skills to regulate our emotions and prevent impulsive behavior. The 3C's (catch, check, change) and STOPP (stop, take a breath, observe, pull back, practice what works) are two examples of techniques that can help us regulate our emotions and prevent impulsive behavior.
Imposter syndrome can also lead to self-destructive habits. By faking it till we make it, we can build confidence and competence over time. For example, someone who is starting a new job may feel like they are not qualified and that they are an imposter. By acting confident and capable, they can build confidence and competence over time.
Finally, we must also learn to respond to setbacks and challenges in a healthy way. The elephant and the rider metaphor, developed by Jonathan Haidt, illustrates how our emotions (the elephant) can often overpower our rational thinking (the rider). We must learn to recognize when our emotions are taking over and use techniques such as radical acceptance and dialectical thinking to respond in a healthy way.
In conclusion, creating lasting change is a process that takes time and effort. By recognizing our personal power and building a bridge to the future we want, we can break old habits and establish new ones. Positive and negative reinforcement, cognitive restructuring, emotion regulation skills, and techniques such as faking it till we make it and radical acceptance can all play a role in creating lasting change. It's important to remember that setbacks and challenges are a normal part of the process, and learning to respond to them in a healthy way is key to creating lasting change.
